Confiding In The Bottle
by DepressingGreenie
Summary: After a particularly hard mission, Tony goes down to his lab and drinks [Stony/Steve x Tony] #Alcoholism/drinking, #Tony Stark Needs a Hug, #Tony Stark Has Self-Esteem Issues Due To Drinking, #Hurt Tony Stark, #Pining Tony Stark, #Slightly unreliable narrator, #Slightly Hopeful Ending, #capimtrb2018


Tony slouches forward across the table, his head propped up in one hand. He reaches out running his hand over the piece of armour in front of him. Mapping out all the groves and bumps he knows like the back of his hand.

With a sigh he reaches for his glass, swirling the alcohol around, watching the way the light from the armour cabinet plays with the rich colour. He takes a large sip from the glass, ignoring the familiar burn.

The sound of the glass slammed down onto the table echoes through the room. Moments of the battle play through his mind and he knows he should have been better. He costed lives today. It was his fault.

He was lucky that not as many lives were lost as there could have been. The rest of the team had been ready.

He should have known. He should have been able to see what was happening. He was the futurist. He should have been faster, better.

But he wasn't.

If he was, he would not be sitting here in the dark, drinking again.

Tony throws the bottle at the wall. He wants to be better than this. To prove that he can do it, that he can be a hero. So no more people are hurt because of him. So he can prove his father wrong.

So he could make Steve proud.

Steve was every bit a hero. Every flaw seemingly beguine and harmless. Or he was man enough to push through those fears for the good of those around him.

Steve looks at him like he was all that he was not, all that he wishes he could be. He wishes he could be the man Steve sees in him.

Tony wonders where Steve got that idea of him from. What Steve sees in him. He wants to be that man so he never lets Steve down. So maybe he… no.

No. Why would Steve even look his way? Tony buries his face in his hands. He was lucky enough that Steve looked at him as he did. Steve would never be interested in someone like him. Why would he?

He has money, fame and good looks, but Steve was not interested in any of that. And in truth he doesn't have much else to offer.

Steve would want someone who was reasonable, and reliable. Someone who he could come home to. Someone he doesn't argue with constantly, someone soothing. They would have a dog and a kid, that white picket fence dream. The dream he fought so hard to defend.

Steve would want someone who was not… was not _him_.

If he were any bit the man he should be, the man Steve sees in him… maybe he would have a chance.

But he wasn't. He can't. Who said he could even be that man?

Suddenly Tony stands up on unsteady feet. He pushes the table over with a shout. He strides over to his work station, his steps filled with purpose.

Putting on his right gauntlet, he takes aim at his liquor cabinet. The sound of shattering glass and splintering wood fills the air.

He walks over slowly to the mess slowly. In the dim lighting he can just make out the alcohol across the walls and pooling on the floor amongst the remains of the cabinet. The scene was eerily familiar to the scene from earlier today. When they searched for survivors in the rubble.

He will be better. He will improve his systems, the suit. He will train harder.

For himself. For Steve and the man he sees in him, that man he wants to be.

He will be better.

* * *

THE END

NOTES: For the **Cap-IronMan Tiny Reverse Bang** / Code Name: Gauntlet  
 _Inspired by_ **_Sunnyzhp(_ _Sunnyzhp22)'s Artwork "_** ** _victory/defeat"_**

The mission gone wrong in the story was not Tony's fault, but something he unreasonably blames himself for.

And he is already the man Steve thinks he he, because he is trying. He is putting all his heart into helping others. He doesn't care about Tony's past because what he is doing now that matters.  
Steve likes Tony as he is, he doesn't care if he would have the 'dream life' with Tony, because with Tony he would be making a difference in the world beside those who mean to most to him.


End file.
